Will
Strata Poster
So, as I may have mentioned a hundred times or so, I managed to defy the odds and spend New Year in Belgium. It was a trip I booked on impulse for no better reason than I found my parents were going to see friends near Lincoln and I didn't want to spend it alone. As I may have mentioned even more times, I’ve come home with ‘the ‘rona’, so apologies in advance for this report: my concentration span is akin to that of a toddler on caffeine today. If I can write trip reports of Weston super Mare, then this definitely deserves one.
All the testing done and endless documents printed or screen-shotted onto my phone, I left Stoke a little after 4AM on New Year’s Eve. I’ve always blamed other people for the fact that I’ve done every holiday (except Australia and two trips to Poland) alone since 2018, but the fact of the matter is that I DO NOT deal well with little sleep and airports turn me into the incredible Hulk, so it’s just better that other people don’t have to deal with me.
I won’t bore you with the details of the airport ritual, arriving unnecessarily early, the fish-tank at the off-site car park, the sausage sandwich I had for breakfast, annoying security by leaving an ecig in my coat pocket, strutting through duty-free with my nose in the air or which toilet cubicle I used, but I will mention that my plane was VERY quiet (definitely less than 50 on board) and that we were ‘treated’ to the dreaded fanfare signalling a rare ‘early arrival’.
Convinced my trip would be cancelled by Covid or the Belgian Government, I’d cancelled my hire car and had to hastily rebook – yet I still ended up with a free upgrade. Those of you who know me well will know how happy I was to be given a Clio. Hire cars frighten me to death – I ALWAYS manage to damage them slightly (on two occasions, just getting them out of the car park) but they’re a necessary evil. I worked out how to work the Bluetooth, satnav and contactless key (stupid, stupid invention in my opinion!!) and set the controls for the heart of De Panne.
Wind forward the clock to 1:40PM and I park up at a surprisingly quiet Plopsaland and a grey but unseasonably warm de Panne. It’s a *little* bit of a nuisance at the moment – a vaccine passport is needed to get into the park and face coverings have to be worn EVERYWHERE, but again, a small price to pay for creds, particularly if RtH was as good as I’d been led to believe.
The entrance area was tastefully decorated as one would expect for the time of year. However, having only visited the park once before (with Neal and Stone Cold in June 2011) I didn’t know my way around and stupid_Will elected not to pick up a map, meaning my usual aimless wandering ensued as I attempted to figure out my way around, deciding which rides to do now and which to save for the evening.
The aimless wandering led me to Anubis, which said it had a 10-minute queue, so I figured this was as good a place as any to kick-off. Again, Covid has been a bit of a nuisance here – most ride queues are outdoors, with the main line instead used as the exit. This meant the line consisted of a cattlepen of Tensa barriers. Hey, ho…
I’d also managed to leave my ‘goonstrap’ in Stoke and as my current glasses are fairly loose fitting, I didn’t put up a fight when they were taken off me – a little bemused that ride staff were talking to me in German – a pattern that continued throughout the trip. My only real memories of Anubis were that I thought it inferior to Lynet (which I think of in a way comparable to the way I think of my first Clio) and that the following morning, I ended up watching House of Anubis with Neal and deciding Mick & Mara were very annoying.
Shortly into the ride, I announced ‘Oh. You’ve developed Gerst RATTLE’ and spent the remainder of the ride trying to find a comfortable position whilst ensuring I didn’t lose my face covering. Smiler-esque brain rattle aside, I concluded this was definitely still a fun ride and made a mental note to have a few more rides in the evening, whilst hoping Lynet had aged better.
As I knew Heidi was closing at 5 and would not re-open in the evening, this was ended to be my next destination, but I passed by RtH and had a message from Nicky asking me if I’d ridden it yet. I decided this was ‘a sign’. Plus I wanted the cred and to see what the fuss was about.
To my amazement, this too had a very short queue, starting on the stairs outside the station which it took 5 minutes to ride. Unfortunately, the ride broke down for a further 10 minutes when I got into the station. Most un-Macklike, but there were plenty of things to look at and it gave me longer to get excited about the ride.
Having seen the first inversion from the station, I decided it would be a smart idea to stow my coat as well as my glasses before taking a back row seat. This proved to be a smart idea; it wasn’t as unpleasant as it looked, but it’s fair to say I wasn’t a big fan of the first roll. Hang time is not my favourite. One of my controversial views is that moreorless every company make more enjoyable launches than Intamin do (though s/o to iSpeed and Speed Monster, with a roll of the eyes in the direction of Icon) and despite being launched at a weird angle, this was no exception. The next hill is taken at a snail’s pace (‘looks slow’, I laughed to myself) – but the onboard audio kicks in and I was reminded just how much I like this, even if the music’s a bit burdenous really! After a while, you hit the second launch, and it’s at this point that all hell breaks loose and the rollercoaster rule book is torn to shreds which are then thrown out of the window in a fit of passion. I don’t really know what happens at this point, so I can’t describe it in any detail – only that I liked it a lot and assorted Belgians gave me very funny looks when I applauded on the brake run – not something I do often!
It won’t surprise you to know that the next thing I did was rejoin the queue for what I had dubbed ‘Storm Chaser on acid’. RtH may not be second coming promised by some overly optimistic enthusiasts, but I’d definitely take it over Untamed. I hope we see more of these popping up across the continent (Alton, anyone?) and I now have a little more hope for Spinny_Icon and indeed Project Exodus. To state the obvious, the spinning seats also ensure no two rides are the same – but it was just as good second time around.
Believing I had the evening ahead of me, I reluctantly tore myself away and headed for Heidi, which is tucked away in a remote corner of the park and a surprisingly long walk. I’d underestimated the size of the park! Another thing I’d underestimated was the length of the queue. Minor moan here – I genuinely don’t see the point of socially distanced ride loading when this drops the ride’s throughput below 250pph and leaves everyone stood in a socially-distanced-but-not-really queue line together for an hour. The wait was tedious and frustrating, but I ensured I’d got the +2 I’d come all this way for (the eagle-eyed may have noticed I ‘live-updated’ my forum signature from ride exits). I don’t have anything very positive to say about Heidi, other than it made me appreciate that Wickerman is actually pretty good. However, for what I assume is the parks’ target audience, it’s PERFECT, the absolutely ideal ‘Ladybird book of wooden coasters’ if you will, upon which goons in training may cut their milk teeth. Indeed, this would probably make sense at Toverland – but I’m eternally grateful they built Troy instead.
By this point, my body was waving the red flags of hunger, loneliness and tiredness at me, so I headed for the exit, intending to travel via a nearby McDonalds to the hotel where I might have a nap before returning for the evening. I took a wrong turn on the way out and ended up in the farm.
I asked to have my hand stamped as I left, stating I’d be back later. ‘Evening is different ticket,’ the woman on the gate explained, examining my ticket and informing me that it allowed daytime access only. Evidently, I'd misunderstood the website. Fear and panic gripped me and I hot-footed it to guest services. Here, I spoke to three separate staff members – surely, I thought, one would realise this was the Great Will Garner – all the way from England for little old Plopsaland and take pity on me. It was not to be. ‘I cannot help you. Is sold out. We have no tickets here,’ the senior supervisor slowly explained. I nodded politely and thanked her for her time. To rub sanitiser into an open wound, I also found I had to buy a carpark ticket.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t in tears as I walked back to the car, wondering how the **** I was going to spend New Year’s Eve now and knowing there was a real difference between what my head wanted me to do and what I NEEDED to do. I decided to do the least damaging of the bad things my head was telling me to do, then drove down an upsettingly narrow road to McDonalds to find it closed – by this point I was laughing like Phoenix’s joker, trying to figure out what was going to go wrong next and checked into my hotel to weigh up my options.
Google told me there was a Chinese takeaway near my hotel, but en route, I passed what looked like a 2AM kebab house and decided grease and salt were definitely what I needed. I got a mixed grill which was a hell of a lot better than you’d get in a kebab shop in England (and didn’t make me ill!) for 20EUR, ate it in my hotel room, had a shower (wanted a bath, but you can't win 'em all) and with no regard for the fact that it was around 7:30, tucked myself up in bed.
At 11:55PM, I awoke to the sound of fireworks. I went down for a smoke shortly after midnight, was a bit scared that I think a guy across the street was firing a gun, fired a ‘look at me, I’m thinking of you at midnight <3’ text in the general direction of the East Midlands and then, filled with acceptance and gratitude, fell back to sleep. What claimed to be 'probably the World's best zoo' awaited.
TBC…
...and if you get every reference in the title, you win... nothing
All the testing done and endless documents printed or screen-shotted onto my phone, I left Stoke a little after 4AM on New Year’s Eve. I’ve always blamed other people for the fact that I’ve done every holiday (except Australia and two trips to Poland) alone since 2018, but the fact of the matter is that I DO NOT deal well with little sleep and airports turn me into the incredible Hulk, so it’s just better that other people don’t have to deal with me.
I won’t bore you with the details of the airport ritual, arriving unnecessarily early, the fish-tank at the off-site car park, the sausage sandwich I had for breakfast, annoying security by leaving an ecig in my coat pocket, strutting through duty-free with my nose in the air or which toilet cubicle I used, but I will mention that my plane was VERY quiet (definitely less than 50 on board) and that we were ‘treated’ to the dreaded fanfare signalling a rare ‘early arrival’.
Convinced my trip would be cancelled by Covid or the Belgian Government, I’d cancelled my hire car and had to hastily rebook – yet I still ended up with a free upgrade. Those of you who know me well will know how happy I was to be given a Clio. Hire cars frighten me to death – I ALWAYS manage to damage them slightly (on two occasions, just getting them out of the car park) but they’re a necessary evil. I worked out how to work the Bluetooth, satnav and contactless key (stupid, stupid invention in my opinion!!) and set the controls for the heart of De Panne.
Wind forward the clock to 1:40PM and I park up at a surprisingly quiet Plopsaland and a grey but unseasonably warm de Panne. It’s a *little* bit of a nuisance at the moment – a vaccine passport is needed to get into the park and face coverings have to be worn EVERYWHERE, but again, a small price to pay for creds, particularly if RtH was as good as I’d been led to believe.
The entrance area was tastefully decorated as one would expect for the time of year. However, having only visited the park once before (with Neal and Stone Cold in June 2011) I didn’t know my way around and stupid_Will elected not to pick up a map, meaning my usual aimless wandering ensued as I attempted to figure out my way around, deciding which rides to do now and which to save for the evening.
The aimless wandering led me to Anubis, which said it had a 10-minute queue, so I figured this was as good a place as any to kick-off. Again, Covid has been a bit of a nuisance here – most ride queues are outdoors, with the main line instead used as the exit. This meant the line consisted of a cattlepen of Tensa barriers. Hey, ho…
I’d also managed to leave my ‘goonstrap’ in Stoke and as my current glasses are fairly loose fitting, I didn’t put up a fight when they were taken off me – a little bemused that ride staff were talking to me in German – a pattern that continued throughout the trip. My only real memories of Anubis were that I thought it inferior to Lynet (which I think of in a way comparable to the way I think of my first Clio) and that the following morning, I ended up watching House of Anubis with Neal and deciding Mick & Mara were very annoying.
Shortly into the ride, I announced ‘Oh. You’ve developed Gerst RATTLE’ and spent the remainder of the ride trying to find a comfortable position whilst ensuring I didn’t lose my face covering. Smiler-esque brain rattle aside, I concluded this was definitely still a fun ride and made a mental note to have a few more rides in the evening, whilst hoping Lynet had aged better.
As I knew Heidi was closing at 5 and would not re-open in the evening, this was ended to be my next destination, but I passed by RtH and had a message from Nicky asking me if I’d ridden it yet. I decided this was ‘a sign’. Plus I wanted the cred and to see what the fuss was about.
To my amazement, this too had a very short queue, starting on the stairs outside the station which it took 5 minutes to ride. Unfortunately, the ride broke down for a further 10 minutes when I got into the station. Most un-Macklike, but there were plenty of things to look at and it gave me longer to get excited about the ride.
Having seen the first inversion from the station, I decided it would be a smart idea to stow my coat as well as my glasses before taking a back row seat. This proved to be a smart idea; it wasn’t as unpleasant as it looked, but it’s fair to say I wasn’t a big fan of the first roll. Hang time is not my favourite. One of my controversial views is that moreorless every company make more enjoyable launches than Intamin do (though s/o to iSpeed and Speed Monster, with a roll of the eyes in the direction of Icon) and despite being launched at a weird angle, this was no exception. The next hill is taken at a snail’s pace (‘looks slow’, I laughed to myself) – but the onboard audio kicks in and I was reminded just how much I like this, even if the music’s a bit burdenous really! After a while, you hit the second launch, and it’s at this point that all hell breaks loose and the rollercoaster rule book is torn to shreds which are then thrown out of the window in a fit of passion. I don’t really know what happens at this point, so I can’t describe it in any detail – only that I liked it a lot and assorted Belgians gave me very funny looks when I applauded on the brake run – not something I do often!
It won’t surprise you to know that the next thing I did was rejoin the queue for what I had dubbed ‘Storm Chaser on acid’. RtH may not be second coming promised by some overly optimistic enthusiasts, but I’d definitely take it over Untamed. I hope we see more of these popping up across the continent (Alton, anyone?) and I now have a little more hope for Spinny_Icon and indeed Project Exodus. To state the obvious, the spinning seats also ensure no two rides are the same – but it was just as good second time around.
Believing I had the evening ahead of me, I reluctantly tore myself away and headed for Heidi, which is tucked away in a remote corner of the park and a surprisingly long walk. I’d underestimated the size of the park! Another thing I’d underestimated was the length of the queue. Minor moan here – I genuinely don’t see the point of socially distanced ride loading when this drops the ride’s throughput below 250pph and leaves everyone stood in a socially-distanced-but-not-really queue line together for an hour. The wait was tedious and frustrating, but I ensured I’d got the +2 I’d come all this way for (the eagle-eyed may have noticed I ‘live-updated’ my forum signature from ride exits). I don’t have anything very positive to say about Heidi, other than it made me appreciate that Wickerman is actually pretty good. However, for what I assume is the parks’ target audience, it’s PERFECT, the absolutely ideal ‘Ladybird book of wooden coasters’ if you will, upon which goons in training may cut their milk teeth. Indeed, this would probably make sense at Toverland – but I’m eternally grateful they built Troy instead.
By this point, my body was waving the red flags of hunger, loneliness and tiredness at me, so I headed for the exit, intending to travel via a nearby McDonalds to the hotel where I might have a nap before returning for the evening. I took a wrong turn on the way out and ended up in the farm.
I asked to have my hand stamped as I left, stating I’d be back later. ‘Evening is different ticket,’ the woman on the gate explained, examining my ticket and informing me that it allowed daytime access only. Evidently, I'd misunderstood the website. Fear and panic gripped me and I hot-footed it to guest services. Here, I spoke to three separate staff members – surely, I thought, one would realise this was the Great Will Garner – all the way from England for little old Plopsaland and take pity on me. It was not to be. ‘I cannot help you. Is sold out. We have no tickets here,’ the senior supervisor slowly explained. I nodded politely and thanked her for her time. To rub sanitiser into an open wound, I also found I had to buy a carpark ticket.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t in tears as I walked back to the car, wondering how the **** I was going to spend New Year’s Eve now and knowing there was a real difference between what my head wanted me to do and what I NEEDED to do. I decided to do the least damaging of the bad things my head was telling me to do, then drove down an upsettingly narrow road to McDonalds to find it closed – by this point I was laughing like Phoenix’s joker, trying to figure out what was going to go wrong next and checked into my hotel to weigh up my options.
Google told me there was a Chinese takeaway near my hotel, but en route, I passed what looked like a 2AM kebab house and decided grease and salt were definitely what I needed. I got a mixed grill which was a hell of a lot better than you’d get in a kebab shop in England (and didn’t make me ill!) for 20EUR, ate it in my hotel room, had a shower (wanted a bath, but you can't win 'em all) and with no regard for the fact that it was around 7:30, tucked myself up in bed.
At 11:55PM, I awoke to the sound of fireworks. I went down for a smoke shortly after midnight, was a bit scared that I think a guy across the street was firing a gun, fired a ‘look at me, I’m thinking of you at midnight <3’ text in the general direction of the East Midlands and then, filled with acceptance and gratitude, fell back to sleep. What claimed to be 'probably the World's best zoo' awaited.
TBC…
...and if you get every reference in the title, you win... nothing
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