United Spites of America #2 - Part 8: Clifton Wonderland

[HeartlineCoaster]

Canada, eh? Though this was dubbed in spirit as the Canada trip, they've only got like 3 parks, so it seemed most fitting to combine it with more US road trip shenanigans. As one of the last major countries for major coasters I'm yet to tick off, this particular adventure been looming on the horizon for some time now. just waiting for that something special that isn't a B&M to seal the deal. Something special that isn't a B&M came along.

And then we all know how this is going to go down...

Day 0

Just an uneventful day of travel, nothing to see here. Flew into JFK and went to pick up a car. The car they wanted to give us had a massive bulge in the side of the tyre, had been crashed into by New Yorkers many times and was clearly dangerous. Told them to sort that out and give us another one.
Second car wasn't a death trap, so headed north and went to sleep.

Day 1

The first real loss of the trip was Playland (NY), as they failed to open much of anything for the year due to negligence. Nothing too exciting, but a woodie and an Old Mill down for the count. Here's hoping they can fix things up.

Lake Compounce

And so the first park of the trip and first task in hand was to collect our season pass for the Palace Entertainment parks that are no longer Palace Entertainment. Most of them are up this way so it seemed like the perfect opportunity to save some money and smash them out.

Technically we hadn't even paid for the season passes however, as most US websites continue to operate on the assumption that the world only consists of America. Though the framework of the forms allows you to enter foreign details, 9 times out of 10 you just end up getting your payment denied anyway.

What we did have was an email chain back and forth with a staff member documenting our struggles and a promise to honour the online price at the time of our struggles, in person. This meant absolutely nothing, as the price has remained the same through at least 4 more 'must end soon' 'sales' since January, but it's the thought that counts.
After quite a bit of back and forth at the guest services window, though with no real issues, we headed in, passes in hand.

There's a pleasant enough vibe in and around the entrance to Lake Compounce, if we ignore the big ugly orange thing, with signs celebrating the statement that it's America's oldest amusement park. Sometimes these claims feel like a stretch when the source is traced back to a man in a field conducting scientific experiments in 1846, counting as an amusement park, but we'll roll with it. My main point is that I'd got the impression this place had become rather rundown. In fact, it was looking kinda fresh.

Wildcat was clacking up the lift upon entering and so the first thing to catch our attention. I'll admit I was oblivious to the state of most of the wooden coasters on this trip, which led to a number of surprises. All that we knew was that some of them had had some work done on them at some point and so at any time we could be killed, or it could be fine.

What we didn't want at least was what happened with the majority of the last 100 woodies in the US, providing nothing more than a sense of 'I am on a wooden rollercoaster'. Sunglasses on, not caring, the usual works.

With short-ass GCI trains greeting us in the station (not the old ones pictured in memoriam), and plenty of visibly fresh wood, Wildcat delivered a slightly above average experience. I'd need a POV to recount the details, but it wasn't rough, had a number of fun moments in either the airtime or laterals department and was a solid start to the trip.

What wasn't a solid start to the trip was walking up to the entrance to Boulder Smash to find a sign saying it was closed. This thing is/was such a legend and I've wanted to ride it for so long now. While doubting that it can still compete with the best of the best 25 years later, it was one of the few big names left out there for me that still had a lot of potential. With visible tarpaulin, nets, ropes, hi-vis whatevers covering up parts of the track up in the trees, it clearly wasn't to be on this occasion. And so it begins.

A terrible consolation to that discovery was that the adjacent ride is the Sky Rocket II. While some may claim that these are better than Helix, personally I dislike them more each time I ride one. The shin guards on Fobia Fear Coaster weren't an instant 'get me off this ride' at the very least, but it's still an uncomfortable experience with no redeeming features. The dominant memory for me is the pain in my shoulders as it slowly rolled over at the top, thinking to myself silly thoughts such as 'is this a mirrored clone?' But hey, +1, this is the game we play.

The other game I play is dark rides, so luckily Ghost House is just opposite. Did a lot of shooty ghost rides on this trip and this was most definitely one of them.

Rounding out the coaster collection, as they don't let you ride the kiddie one here, was a Zoomerang. Oh joy. By my calculation we were going to ride at least 5 of these on this trip, a great motivator for making the effort no doubt, but quite a few of them had been having 'upgrades' which may have eased the burden slightly, or entirely - you'll see soon enough.

This one hadn't though and it was, ok. Probably better than the Sky Rocket.

With not much else of interest to keep us around and further plans for the day, we asked a man who looked like he knew what he was doing about the status of Boulder Dash. Apparently they were working really hard on it (though not visibly) and desperately wanted it to open later that day. Spoilers - it didn't.

Already back to being dejected about the whole hobby, collected our free drinks cups that came with the platinum pass, filled them up for the road, and headed off to

Quassy Amusement Park Ticket Booth

There's a lot of lakes on this trip, this was perhaps one of the nicer ones.

Continuing the trend that no one can open a rollercoaster in 2025, this slab of concrete was new for 2025.

But Wooden Warrior was behind it, and that's all that mattered.

Edging ever closer to the global Gravity set, these baby ones are all about finding out how much of a surprise punch they pack. This one packs it.

The first half is pretty fantastic, with a whippy first drop and some great hills to follow it, playing on the terrain a little to head down into the tunnel turnaround.

On the way back up the hill and over the station however it loses a little too much steam to maintain the power of the earlier elements, a seemingly common factor with a number of these, big and small, at this point.

There is one basically triangular hill in this final sequence to provide a final kick and a smile on the face however. I'd put it somewhere middle of the pack for baby Gravitys, in other words an excellently fun and rerideable ride.

Elsewhere in the park is this adorable old steel thing. There's some plaque up about its significance and it also rides like a beast for its size, with a great view to boot.

Success.

Six Flags New England

Last up for the day was the collection of another season pass, this time the epic Six Flags Cedar Fair combo that has recently come into being, at an absolute steal of a price for this inaugural year. This one was purchased with no issues and, hoping they hadn't St Louised us and printed the wrong pass, allowed us to head in for a sweet start.

The start wasn't so sweet in that the only +1 we needed in the park was the Boomerang, and it was open, so that makes 2 in a day. It was ok.

The other spite was of course Quantum Accelerator, a reasonable draw to the region for us this year, which was sitting pretty looking almost finished, with staff being trained and test laps being sent. At that moment, it was scheduled to open later in the week and we had already made plans and sacrifices to our schedule, hotels and drives to be back for it.
Funny.

Just to keep things on a sour note, we headed to Wicked Cyclone for some rerides with much excitement, only to find a guy at the entrance saying it was down. Flashback 6 years to being turned away from our afternoon rerides because they had to 'clear the area'. Still never forgiven the park for that.

Thoroughly dejected once more, we sat on a bench to recollect our thoughts. Then Wicked Cyclone cleared the lift with people on it.

Straight back to the guy again, who was standing there confused and scared. It was clearly back in operation, as he agreed, but no one had called him to officially confirm that he could let people into the queue once more. After a few more guests showed up, asked the same question and, steadily more angrily, got the same response, I humbly suggested that he call them.

He did, and in we went. Have a bad photo from 2019:

This led to the ride being an instant walk on, and an instant smash hit once more. Deep down I've always loved Wicked Cyclone, but it's been hard to maintain a level of objective praise for it, what with riding it so long ago, so relatively early amongst the RMCs and of course the lack of being able to get fully acquainted with it on the fateful first visit.

Well no more, I love Wicked Cyclone more than ever. There's only a few of them, but it contains some of the most brutal and violent moments of any RMC, one of my key measures for how much I enjoy this particular style of coaster.

Beyond that, and something we grew to appreciate further during the trip, is that the rest of the layout is an eloquently crafted symphony. What some may consider downtime between the highlight elements, I see more as a tasteful build of suspense towards those particular hard hitters. For instance, the way it weaves and wobbles through the structure, gaining speed into perhaps the most vicious off axis hill in the business, which you can't see, is simply glorious.

I much prefer this design style to several other RMCs which are just so chock full of elements that a number of them simply end up being dud moments, and the flow of the coaster suffers as a result.

Elated, but wanting more, we went to knock off a few other things before closing the night on it.

First up was the Houdini Madhouse. Not sure why it didn't happen before, was either closed, didn't know it existed, or didn't care at the time.

I had surmised that experiencing it in English would help the narrative make a little more sense than it does at Bellewaerde. I can now confirm that it did not. I still don't understand who the other kid is, why he goes evil, or what the conclusion is.

Highlight of the experience was a staff member bigging up El Toro and beginning the ride sequence with a nobly acted proclamation along the lines of 'keep on ridin coasters'.

Gave Superman a token lap, having never understood the fuss for it. I still don't, but the trim in the airtime hill finale had me in tears of laughter by the brakes, clearly already losing my sanity for the trip. The perfect setup of it inexplicably being the best thing ever at one time, reaching what should be a glorious climax, the train juddering and slowing immensely such that all other sensation is lost, along with the momentum to finish the job. 10/10 for entertainment, but the trains suck, it doesn't do anything exciting for me, moving on.

Gave Batman a token lap for some reason and it was decent. A reminder that some old B&Ms kicked ass both in forces and being smooth. It's sad that some old ones are just plain rough, and that some new ones are too.

With that it was time to finally get those final rides we had been so cruelly deprived of so long ago. Back row, in the dark, barely another soul on the train, it was everything this hobby is all about and made absolute mincemeat of our bodies. God damn, Wicked Cyclone.

Up next - sunburn and sufferance

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

I had naively thought that we could escape some of the more disgusting heat this trip, as prior to flying out literally every destination had been expecting a cool 21°C for the forseeable. While that came true for the first day, from here on out it was completely out the window and never really recovered.
I'll take this opporunity to apologise for having to uphold the tradition of a British man complaining about the weather while on holiday.

And so, now heading towards the mid-30s and with a sea of school buses containing school leavers descending on the park in front of us, we had a less than ideal visit to

Day 2 - Canobie Lake Park

To be fair, the crowds themselves were pleasant enough. This was no hell on earth at Hellendoorn, just excessively, excessively busy with a bunch of well-behaveds for what is essentially an unremarkable lineup.

The park isn't really built to take a queue and as such most, if not all lines were already spilling outside entrances onto the pathways. In for the long haul we just went with the flow and waited a solid 90 minutes for the ol' Yankee Cannonball.

Not really worth that sort of wait, it had no choice to be a one and done but probably was anyway. It goes into the car park, does a few wooden rollercoaster things and then you get off and get on with your day.

We were clearly dealing with an age range that were 'too cool' for the Dragon, so it only took a handful of cycles to get on this one. They were batching it super fussy and slow though, like let two into the station, personally guide them to the front row, sit them down and talk to them, before letting the next two in for the next row and repeat.
Maybe something did kick off once. I expect nothing less, for a powered dragon.

There's the lake.

This was pretty cool. A more trippy, out there Sally dark ride that didn't involve shooting for a change. You go in the titular mine, but then end up in Egypt and laughing in the face of death, all kinds of fun weird. Recommend.

As yet another place hasn't opened their 'new for 2025' SBF spinner, to much uproar, last cred in the park was expected to be a faff of low capacity unshaded misery. Thankfully we discovered / remembered the wrong Untamed had a single rider line which offered some shade and a slightly more reasonable wait time.

It rides rather awfully from everything after the loop though, much worse than old mate Rage. Everyone just got off visibly red in the face and / or ears, complaining. Thus spawning a new phrase craze.
Paultons, 2026!

And that was it for Canobie. Seemed nice enough on the surface, just didn't really have the opportunity to appreciate it any better. A tick off the list.

Funtown Splashtown USA

Next up was a park I was anticipating slightly more, after putting themselves on my map in 2023 with the opening of another awesome looking Sally dark ride.

But they also have a reasonably large CCI woodie, which was kinda cool. Excalibur was playing a medieval version rendition of Linkin Park songs in the station, definitely put a smile on my face for that.

As for the ride, it starts strong and in the trees with some pretty wild moments. Then it forgets what to do with itself about halfway through, in the trees with some pretty boring meandering. Not bad.

And a Wild Mouse. No need for an opinion here.

Business out of the way it was time to soak up the Whispering Pines Hotel. Queueline animatronic that can be entirely skipped is amazing and also vastly underappreciated.

And the ride itself is pretty damn good too. Shooting ghosts again, but in a far more story-based manner and with a lot more technologies involved in the decoration. It's not as super atmospheric as I had perhaps hoped, but contains some really good figures, a sprinkle of magic here and there and a creepy cat called Katbattikus which I now own, so there was something for everyone. A personal highlight for sure. Recommend.

All in all, everything here was walk on, parking was free, wristband cheap after a certain time and on this occasion it was a great little place to spend a couple of hours.

Palace Playland

Back to business, there's another couple of creds down the road, by a beach. Day parking is a scam here, as with most US seaside towns, but there's some hourly street parking just one street over, by the little train station.

This is Sea Viper, which is infinitely fascinating for being the largest thing Preston & Barbieri have ever built. You're welcome.

And an SBF spinner not from 2025. No need for an opinion here.

There's the beach.

Up next - an SBF spinner not from 2025.

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

There's the beach.

Heading further north it was time to put the Lake Compounce passes into practice.

Day 3 - Story Land

Which seem to be quite a rare thing, as they didn't understand the concept of free parking for a non-home park. It's not that far is it..?

A slightly drizzly day and being what appeared to be rather off the beaten track led to a rather pleasant outing, beginning with Polar Coaster.

The walrus on the train is living his best life for this quirky little terrain improved romp.

The main draw was of course Roar-O-Saurus, another baby Gravity woodie.

It was absolutely wild for its size, a real standout and testament to when they nail it, they nail it.

The layout reminded me most of an amped up Oscar's Wacky Taxi, to the point that I had to do a little research to check for similarities. While they share the first drop, a curved tunnel at the back and the concept of twice out and back, the dino is rather more twisted.

It's probably those laterals that add extra oomph to all the silly but amazing little pops of air it manages to extract out of 40ft. Feels redundant to say they pack a surprising punch at this point, but this one really, really does, potentially more than any other of the size. Loved it.

And that's the park. They've got a train, some woods, story book dioramas and a chance to have tea with Cinderella. But it's all about one thing and it's worth the trip.


We had two more points of intrigue on the way up to Canada for the night, but only one of them involved creds, so

Santa's Village (Jefferson, NH) 2025

Initially the concept of a year round Christmas themed park, not least an American one, honestly sounded like hell on earth.

But it was fine, much like the previous park, just a chill family day out in some greenery, with friendly and enthusiastic staff. And with what was to come over the next couple days and weeks, easily one of the best of the trip.

First up was the shooty dark ride. It originally opened in 2000, but was given a full overhaul and upgrade in 2020.

No ghosts this time, rather humbugs, who are giving old scrooge a hard time. Some good old-fashioned, but modern, shooty dark ride fun. Well done Sally, again.

A three-looper this time - how exciting.

And to close out, they've got a shiny new Vekoma. The first of this layout to open, it's already branching out to at least 4 continents, but as a shining example to the quality of their products these days. Glossy smooth and just the right amount of poke.

A successful day.

Up next - an unsuccessful day

 

[Hutch]

It's been over a decade since I marathoned Roar-O-Saurus (in it's opening year in fact). Loved it then, but my coaster count was only in the double digits. Glad to hear that my inexperienced context wasn't a major factor, and that it still kicks ass.

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

Oh dear.

Haven't heard many good things about La Ronde over the years, but you know me, I like to be on the ground, don't judge 'til you've been.

It's bad.

Day 4 - La Ronde

Apologies for the lack of photos in this one. I only took a few out of a combination of defiance, lack of time and lack of care.

To start with, it's a pain to get in by car due to its weird location on an island in a river. An island that isn't just La Ronde, in fact they seem to try and act like it doesn't exist (I wonder why), but also has some grass and trees or something.

A severe lack of either signage or useful signage, security cars blocking the way, plus convoluted routes meant crossing the massive bridge over the island more than once and getting stuck in ugly city traffic for 20 mins. There's a weird sketchy pay & display car park under the bridge that the road system might try and land you in, but we of course wanted the less obvious actual sketchy car park under the bridge, with our six flags passes, which were about to be put to the test.

For context, rather than baseless descriptors, on this particular day someone decided to crash into someone else within this car park and then start a fight about it, to the point that security had to intervene.

The walk to the entrance was a bit grim, while we witnessed a plethora of buses dropping off a sea of kids in front of us. I didn't get a picture of the entrance, for the reasons stated above, but also because it was just a faded sign kinda blocked by security huts, miles of wasted cattlepen and people queuejumping us to get in the park.

Thankfully security checks themselves weren't an issue, nor were the season passes, and we entered to a weird statue thing that's just inside, with many more armed security already on patrol. First impressions are everything.

Didn't really have a plan for the day, because didn't really care and figured we had 9 hours for 9 creds. Even if it's bad, easy.

It's bad.

So ended up on the Batman first, in a grim ass queue that could have been much grimmer as it continued to swell horrifically behind us. There's just not much to it. A shed, grass and some fence. Chuck that clone in. Glacial one train operations didn't help the situation, but was at least policy throughout the park for consistency.

Highlight of the experience was a random family appearing from seemingly out of nowhere, into the queue, from the ride area. I guess signs really don't mean anything in Montreal.

Oh, the ride. Rode pretty intense, one of the better one of these for me. But meh. Took an hour.

That was in a dead end, so this poor man's wild mouse was next. Potentially Zamperla's best of the trip though. Took 90 mins.

Two sides to the Monstre, sadly. Hated everything about it. Highlight of the experience is some hilarity in the queue saying that it won some king of the coasters award amongst the six flags parks in the 2000s, against the likes of El Toro and X2. Right.

The wait was excruciating of course, made worse by being queue jumped as the air gates opened, by some kids. They ran through another set of gates and dived into our seats before our very eyes. We were already through also, so stood there in dismay while the gates closed behind us, no seats left, to see what would be done about it.

Restraint checking staff member came down and we explained the situation. They asked the kids to move, they refused. Then some woman at the air gates started arguing for the kids, I failed to pick up the context as it seemed so bizarre. If they were related then this arrangement meant their group would no longer be riding together. If they weren't, then who the hell was she.

Anyway, clearly authority isn't necessary when operating heavy machinery, so we were asked if we would mind waiting for the next train. Well yes, but you're not going to do anything about it are you. Upon passing back through the gates, one waiting guest tried to lighten the mood by asking if we wanted the front. We were already tactically in a seat of minimum force for self preservation, so we politely declined. Which also meant he may have been trying to kill us, but we'll assume not, what a champ.

Oh, the ride. Rode absolutely awful, rattled my brain throughout and gave me a headache, has a dumbass layout that wouldn't be good anyway. Oh and it doesn't duel/race because it will only destroy itself quicker (please do). They couldn't even open both sides in the same year. Took over 90 mins.

Thus we walked away with no real intention of enYoying the other side.


Boomerang was closed, because it's 2025, meaning it just had a refurb, opened, and then closed again.

Then Goliath got stuck on the lift hill. No biggie.

This had the physically shortest queue on park and was probably one of the most interesting rides left. Highlight of the experience was the three drops of rain that fell on us during an unyieldingly disgustingly hot day. It was ruined, of course, by being queue jumped several times by kids, then the batcher being terrible and letting too many people into the station, such that our group had to be split and then forced to sit with children, rather than sending said children back through the gate... we've had it both ways now.

Anyway, the kid I was with clearly agreed this was bs, as the car design of the Arrow mini- mine train (set complete) meant that sharing with him had my leg at a painfully contorted angle, and then pinned to oblivion by the restraint so all forces of the ride were taken through said leg. Isn't that going to be uncomfortable, he asked? Yes, I replied.

Yes it is. Took over half an hour.

We were now over halfway through the operating day, under halfway through the coasters and thoroughly hating our existence, so decided to sack off any other creds and prioritise Goliath. The lift stop had cleared, but it had not returned to operation.

So one more coaster with the slightest bit of intrigue, an indoor Intamin which could have been a la Skull Mountain.

It wasn't, it was boring and unremarkable, and the wait was artificially lengthened by a school teacher helping a large number of kids jump the queue. Took over an hour.


Crunch time came at what was now under 3 hours left:

We could queue 90 mins for an SLC or we could queue 90 mins for the other side of Monstre.
Either of which could then mean that Goliath reopens while we're suffering and hit 90 mins again itself. Both of which would end the day.

Or we wait outside Goliath and grab that walk on lap if they fix it. Plus, if we don't get the only coaster of any value here, we'll be coming back anyway, so creds are moot. What a game we play.

So we whiled away the rest of our evening at La Ronde in some shade, sitting and watching some engineers potter back and forth pushing buttons to no effect, then jumping in a buggy to retrieve some spare sensors, to no effect. Probably the highlight of the visit.

As it reached under an hour til close, it became rather apparent that it wasn't going to happen. Security came to replace ride staff at the entrance, so we headed out a little early in at least the hope that we'd beat the leaving rush. It didn't reopen the following day either.

Still took over half an hour to get off the island, with a bunch of poor, rude drivers, and that was with me skipping at least half of the queue going down the wrong way out of the car park. Because it wasn't signposted.


Thus, we left La Ronde, Montreal and Canada that night with only one image in mind.

Which means I get to use that in both parts of this series, yay.


What else is there to say? 5 creds, 5 photos, 9 hours. Easy contender for the worst major park visit in the world. Previously for me I think that was Mirabilandia, but they at least have a couple of rides of slight interest, that I was at least able to ride. So congrats to them.

Advice for mitigation I guess - plan your route in photographically with as many resources as you can. Once in, ride the only thing worth riding (the B&M hyper) immediately, then consider leaving.

Better yet, don't go. You don't need that Six Flags day.

Up next - a Six Flags day

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

Back in the warm embrace of the states we were ready for, on paper, the most chill day of the trip.

Ideally would have gone harder, but even after significant maths following the failures of the past few days, and of the amusement industry in 2025, there was simply nothing else to be gained in the region.

Let's hope it's a good one then.

Day 5 - Six Flags Great Escape

Though a little crowded first thing, impressions were positive at the entrance. Ownership of this place is steeped in history, so it's a little less Six Flags at least on the surface. Visually very nice, for the first 10 paces into the park.

And for a few other patches here and there, appreciate the effort in theming. Wanted to start the morning on Bobcat but it wasn't ready. Wasn't clear whether this was technical issues or just staggered openings, but it resulted in yet another session of sitting on a bench looking at a closed ride. From one park to another. Sometimes you start to doubt your choices.

Anyway, the guy outside also told people that Comet was closed for now, so we just took a wander and found this nice little tribute.

Then beyond that, through a waterpark because the layout of this place was weird, we could tell that Comet clearly was running.

Thus it became coaster #1700 for me, and it was a good one. Bit of a surprise hit amongst the woodies on this trip as I knew literally nothing about it. Solid, old fashioned fun with great tracking, surprisingly good forces and comfy trains. They clearly look after this one and I liked it a lot.

Upon the return to Bobcat, it had opened. This completed the set of baby Gravity woodies for the trip, and the world I think. Only got Australian Lev left to ride from the manufacturer I call my boys.
Also just found out this was my 150th wood, so two milestones in one park. If measured in 50s, the fact that there are less than 200 operating in the world means this could be the last, which is crazy to me. Unless I keep going hard and they keep opening more.

Enough gooning, how was the ride? Meh.
It packed nowhere near the same punch as Roary, or even the Warrior, while also managing to feel criminally short. They all are of course, but there's a certain magic to feeling like you get more than you should out of a drop. Bobcat felt like less, most like Timber but also way less potent. I guess it didn't particularly suffer from pacing like many do, there wasn't a noticable sap of energy at any point, just no noticeably strong element either. One of the weakest for sure and not a good representation of modern Gravity sadly, on this occasion.

With that slight disappointment out of the way, the park very quickly began to fall apart.

The Boomerang was closed because it's 2025 and it's just had a refurb, so they can't reopen it yet. That puts us 2 for 4 on Boomerangs, yay?

The mine train was closed because it's 2025 and they haven't finished their 'improvements' yet, 1 month into a park that essentially has a 3 month season. American calendars make these win rates seem all the more despairing.

They don't let you ride the kiddie cred.

Steamin' Demon it is then. Mercifully it had no queue as that would have been nothing but sunburn and misery. Rode awfully and the comedy of the name wasn't enough to save the character.
Desperately needed a song. Have you heard the demon? Have you heard him steamin'?

And that was Six Flags Great Escape. Bit of a wash, 3 creds, 3 spites, 3 hours. Not particularly impressed, other than Comet. Come for Comet if you want.

A Six Flags half day if ever there was one.

Up next - Dorney's kicking our ass

 

[Matt N]

Great reports so far @HeartlineCoaster! That La Ronde day sounds disappointing, however… I’ve heard bad things about it, but I hoped that it wasn’t that bad.

Are you going back into Canada for Canada’s Wonderland at some point? Or dare I say, to try and grab Goliath at La Ronde?

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

Are you going back into Canada for Canada’s Wonderland at some point?

Yup, regrettably.


There was one silver lining to Quantum Accelerator's fake opening date forcing us to stay in the area longer than necessary. Over the past few days we'd been religiously checking good old queue-times.com for a number of reasons, not least

Boulder Smash was back.

Day 6 - Lake Compounce (again)

Making use of our sweet, sweet preferred parking we hit the park at opening and headed straight to redemption town.

Sure enough, a station wait invited us aboard the front car and we were soon on our way up the intimidating lift hill, surrounded by forest, no idea what was to come. I'd managed to avoid spoilers for this long.

Turns out it's a simple but interesting layout. Swooping turn drop, a very long straight filled with stuff, swooping turn drop, a long straight filled with stuff. Brakes. This didn't quite tie up with my expectations of it being anything like crazy, wild or out there. Rather than the terrain beast it could have been in my head, and some of the fleeting glimpses you get of it offride, it's just a simple concept, done well.

The first 'straight' bit is actually full of slight corners, snaking along the hillside with a bunch of moderate hills and airtime, and a few laterals for good measure.
The final straight is all hills of varying sizes. Some of them land really well and some of them don't. There's titan track in a few bits and it seems to have helped it along, notably smoothing out the base of the first drop and providing a very respectably 'floater hill' towards the end.

One of the most impressive things about Boulder Dash is the way it just kinda chugs through the whole layout at a decent pace. You lose a sense of scale and height amonst the foliage but the momentum built out of the understated two big drops carry it through tons of elements without ever noticeably losing speed, nor ever feeling overly fast. It just goes.

General consensus had told us to stick to the front of the train for the best experience, and we did for the remaining morning laps we could grab before the queue built too badly for the single train operation. Perhaps it is more wild at the back, but I think that's just due to exacerbated roughness rather than design. Up front is a perfectly fun time if you can avoid the bugs. Recommend sunglasses on, enjoying.

Overall very happy to add the name to my list, Boulder Dash is of course a legend and deservedly so. It wasn't my absolute favourite CCI but it's up there, and I have to assume stands as a great inspiration to some of the more modern greats in wood coaster design. Would love to try it at night one day.


But we had places to be, the last minute reshuffling of parks couldn't allow for us to be anything but efficient or something would lose out on this trip. Nickelodeon Universe had been on the cards for like the tenth time in these trips but their website clearly stated both Sandy and Takabisha weren't available so it just didn't seem worth the trek, again.

Instead, a simple 4 hour drive landed us at old mate

Dorney Park

For all the bad rep this place gets or used to get, including from myself with the more tongue in cheek mockery, we had a damn good time on our revisit to Dorney Park. Be that just an effect of some of the worst visits imaginable in the lead up, 2019 Skyrush man was right, it was kicking multiple asses.

We of course started at the new boy, god damn I-ron Menace.

It's not very good, but it's not that bad either. Same old big drop, same old elements, slightly above average pace. With modern B&M seemingly in this rut of producing poorly tracked, 300ft, 30 million dollar coasters, Iron Menace rode fine, if unremarkable.

And that sums up the entire attraction really. They've tried for a bit of theming here and there, but not really. They've tried to incorporate the stupid Impulse into the same area and theme, but not really. You have to go out of your way to see this particular bit, and it's behind a toilet. The little fiery pit to hell they put under the base of the drop looks absolutely comical in size, design and placement. It really could have used something more for that intimidation factor and it seems like simply no one cares about these dive machines any more. The point of the vertical drop has been lost along the way.

And then there's just nothing else to give you that story. Which could have been Dr. D levels of obnoxious, sure, but we walked on it, rode it, walked off it, and felt no particular desire to do so again. +1.

Instead we headed over to Steel Force and experienced a real rollercoaster.

I'd completely forgotten how ridiculously good these things can be, in the haze of riding all of them in one stupid trip several years ago. The '90s weren't messing around and 2025 is a joke. Steel Force was flawless.

Beautifully smooth, powerful airtime, intense speed, a wild turnaround, very long satisfying ride experience and a train and restraint system that lets it all just feel that 20% more alive. Most importantly, a sense of pure joyous fun. An absolute masterclass and one of the highlights of the trip.

Some may say you should be riding cloned Arrow loopers (trash like Steamin' Demon) while you still can, cos they're a dying breed.
No. Ride Morgan hypers while you still can. Total treasures.
Except Steel Eel.


Anyway, there was still another +1 to get after our previously failed completion of the park. The poxy wild mouse with an ever disproportionate queue time.

Queued a disproportionate amount of time given everything that had just happened only to sit in the car, get despatched into some form of station brake skip and then be kicked off because the console was throwing up a fault. So close.

So we went to ride Hydra while they worked on that. Another walk on.

It's good. Perhaps not quite as good as my memory served, but still massively appreciate the out of the box layout on offer. What with the Steel Force turnaround and couple of bits here, Dorney on it's slight hill has an underrated terrain game. Oh, and interaction game. I forgot the best part about Steel Force, we had the perfect race alongside Thunderbolt, it was magical, like being at Liseberg all over again.

Miraculously they fixed their fairground ride without much delay and we bagged the cred. Park complete.

There was then time for one more ride before we had to leave for the night

I had clocked Demon Drop as actually being open for once and wanted to add it to the collection, so we did. These are technological treasures and always ones to behold. Terrifying and unhinged is another way to put them and for that reason I love 'em.

I stand by my thoughts from 3 years ago, perhaps with even more conviction. On paper this park looks like it sucks on an American scale because it lacks a destination coaster or hard hitter. The reality for a foreign visitor however is that most of us would kill for a Dorney park of our own. Maybe that's not possible because the nature of it being overshadowed by giants grants it that freedom to have a solid, well-rounded collection of walk-on major coasters in the middle of summer, but it's everything I wish Thorpe was right now.

All in all a successful day. Can we make it two in a row?

Up next - a Six Flags day.

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

The next morning found us at Seabreeze. One of those names I've heard for years but never fully looked into.

Day 7 - Seabreeze Amusement Park

Wasn't quite what I had expected given the notable history of the place, a bit more concrete and water slides than nostalgic seaside (lake) experience.

The park was perhaps the worst offender of the aforementioned 'only Americans can use American websites' observation as their special price ticket simply wouldn't go through on a foreign credit card online. We raised this at the gate and they had no sympathy for it, then called the service number who also had no sympathy for it. Full price it is.

First thing we came to was the wrong Jack Rabbit. In a similar vein to Yankee Cannonball a week prior, it didn't do much of anything for me. Just a bit of cool, this is old, and then a tunnel at the end where everyone screamed too loud.

They don't let you ride the kiddie cred opposite, not that it was open.

Most interesting ride here is of course the Bobsleds. The little cars are very open and there's a bit of poke to the particularly unorthodox layout here and there. An overall much more enjoyable piece of history with a slight bit of a sea breeze (lake) up top.

Lastly they have a stock Maurer spinner that was scheduled to open after the morning rush, so just about now. About 15 minutes later than advertised, watched the guy appear, put some staff in for a test run and then open it up. Don't like these very much, custom Maurers generally much better. +1.

Seems strange to me that this is a pay one price park, what with the vibe they're sort of going for, the other 'street' entrance they have and its proximity to a beach and seaside (lake). I know we rarely stick around long in these cred runs but I feel like a lot of others wouldn't want to either, just wander in to a quick curiosity, pay for a lap on a couple of old rides, buy some deep fried Oreo and wander out again.

A couple of hours down the road, whose online ticketing system worked absolutely fine, is

Niagara Amusement Park AND Splash World

This place worried us somewhat in the build up to the trip. In some eerily similar ways to Playland (NY) it seems like they struggled to get half their rides running quite often, even after delaying both their opening for the year and a second hand ghost train which, funnily enough, came from Playland (NY).

Fortunately for us on this occasion, Silver Comet was ready to receive, so checked off another CCI from the list. It was decent, nothing too special, perhaps a little less wild than Excalibur had been, but more well paced throughout.

This was the 'new for 2025' dark ride and I recall some speculation over whether it had had any improvements since its move.

Well no, it's about the most lacklustre and sparse ghost train I've ridden in recent memory, consisting of mostly empty tin sheds with broken effects, so I very much doubt it.

Had this guy though.

At the back of the park was the Serpent. This was fun, it officially needs 4 people in a car to run, so like that Polish one that might be gone. The staff are particularly vocal and helpful about this, and will even throw themselves in if needs be.
Luckily, our saviour came in the form of a lady nearby who hadn't ridden it in nearly 50 years (?) and provided excellent commentary throughout.

Most of the rest of the park and car park consists of parts of rides such as this. It's a fascinating scrap heap and would probably serve better as a museum at this point.

Did the job though, it's time for another legend in

Six Flags Darien Lake

Smashing out this place as part of a 3 park day seemed optimistic given the state of the trip so far, but it's Darien Lake, and we were loathed to lend it any more time than absolutely necessary. Plus, it was all part of the important grind to enhance our visit to Alpenfur... Plus, it's Darien Lake, a perfect storm of nothing really matters.

Going for a logical approach, we started at Ride of Steel. Dismal one train operations made a station wait almost unbearable, but they were at least a park wide consistent policy, and this thing kicked ass.

Was much better than New England Superman in both how it rode and the forces it dealt out. The last few hills really threw us around and make all the build up worth it, which is what these early layouts are all about.

It also managed to provide circumstantial comedy genius of its own as we were perfectly positioned behind an absolute NPC of a man. He had two default animations of jubilatory celebration that he had made it onto the ride and at any given moment would initiate them at entirely random points within the layout, be it silly straight, cruising corner or humpy hill.

I'm still in love with the fact that most people are able to get a pure 90 seconds of 'I am on a rollercoaster' bliss out of any hardware, something I can never hope to obtain in my lifetime, but seeing it acted out wordlessly to perfection enhanced my experience greatly.

Predator could easily have been one of those rides that killed me, but it's another recipient of the Titan Track treatment on this trip. When it's bad, it's bad, but where it's reworked, it's decent, so another one that can attest to the treatment being a success. The question is with rides like Predator is does it deserve it? I guess it's about the only unique ride here.

Except maybe this one. Wrong Viper involved another uncomfortably long station wait during which a particularly sweaty guy screamed 'could we start the fans, PLEASE!' only not with that wording, accent or internation. I wish. He was promptly ignored by the staff and as I gazed upon the rust that was holding the questionable cooling system together I internally surmised that this was probably for the best.

On paper this is like Arrow's Goudurix, what with the batwing and all. Much like Goudurix it doesn't ride as bad as it should and garners a very solid 'it was ok'.

Time was ticking a little by this point so we kept ploughing through. Calculations dictated that park complete could have been won or lost at Tantrum with its single 8 seater car and being, depressingly, one of the most popular rides here. Luck shined down upon us as we received a very early callup to fill some empty seats, skipping about half the queue.

It rode like ass and continued to make me question why I still supposedly like a couple of Eurofighters out there. Paultons, 2026!

Speaking of ass, it was time for our first SLC of the trip. Never ceases to amaze me how much they suck.

Speaking of suck, next on the list was the Boomerang. Never ceases to amaze me how unpleasant these can be.

Speaking of unpleasant, the final ride was the Motocoaster. Don't like the seating position, how they ride, or the layout of these. Never have, never will. Also the layout of the park is stupid and you can't get to it from the adjacent Boomerang without a massive walk around the entire lake (lake).

There is however a sneaky shortcut in the opposite direction as you can nod at a security man, get a hand stamp and leave the park through a camping ground and rather nice looking shopping area out the back.

This brings you round to another more pleasant aspect of the park, nature and some views of these two in the setting sun.

Upon reflection of our successful completion, it wasn't pretty, but you're alright Darien Lake, you're alright.

Up next - water

 

[Matt N]

I must admit, I’m surprised you liked Darien Lake’s Ride of Steel more than Six Flags New England’s. Darien Lake’s is a clone of Six Flags America’s, isn’t it, and I thought that one was widely considered quite weak?

It does seem like you’re hitting some interesting parks, though, even if it seems like you’ve encountered quite a few spites so far! I’m wondering whether you’re off to Canada’s Wonderland late enough to ride Alpenfury… I hope so for your sake!

 

[HeartlineCoaster]

Darien Lake’s is a clone of Six Flags America’s

Yup, regrettably.
Quite simple for me in that the trains are better and the forces in the finale actually land. There's a charm to the simplicity in the original layouts with the silly straights and comical corners. NE just tries too hard and falls short.


Our morning started bright, early and full of optimism. Perhaps a little too bright. It was tourism time.

Day 8 - Niagara Falls

Drove swiftly over to the Canadian half of the city, through the border check and took a cruise down the road that runs parallel to the falls, hoping for a decent parking spot.

Even at this hour, it wasn't to be, so ended up in Clifton Hill next to one of the rides we wanted in a minute and walked back down to the river via some pleasant greenery.

I'd like to say I was equal parts impressed and equal parts underwhelmed by the falls themselves. It's a nice view and the sheer power is a spectacle, but at the end of the day it's a tourist trap.

Hey look, a spite in the distance. Bring back Dragon Mountain.

Moving on to better things, there's a cred up the road, on top of a Burger King. Class.

The attraction consists of the House of Frankenstein and you can also pay for a haunted walkthrough thing. If you pay for just the coaster, there's still some spooky stairs on the way up.

This spectacle greets you at the top before you're treated to a couple of laps of poorly profiled but perfunctory coaster.

There's also some spooky stairs on the way down and an obnoxiously loud air cannon just to sour the experience so you don't tell your friends.

Over the road, inside an arcade, is a Sally Boo Blasters, which is pretty cool. I'm no expert, though I probably should be, but it seemed a bit more custom than usual and was surprisingly good value for money.

Of all the things here, I was most interested to try this from Triotech.

Their Hyper Ride is basically gaming chairs and a blaster that can spin rather wildly through a building of screens. The theme here is some quite nightmare fuelish clown based horror, but it works pretty well and garnered smiles all round.

We were dying at this point, heading back to the car, and it was only like 10:30. Having hoped that our return to Canada would bring a brief respite to the relentless heatwave that was sapping all of our already limited energy and enthusiasm for the trip, it was in fact worse here. It was stepping up another gear.


A couple of hours later up in Toronto, while enjoying some lunch, the temperature reported by the car hit 38 °C and brought on serious questions of do we even want to be doing this any more? Concrete and rides, Canada edition. 17 rollercoasters, in this heat. It barely bore thinking about. But it's why we'd come. Well no, it's 2025 so that wasn't open.

Checked in at the hotel just to die a little more inside and then psych ourselves up for the run of our lives. Here we go.

Canada's Wonderland

Tick.

Always drink plenty of fluids.

Moving is ok, you can always make a game of it, darting from shade to shade like a vampire. Instant regret hits when you end up in a sweaty unshaded queue for Leviathan and there's nothing you can do but stand there and burn, wondering why anyone else is putting up with it when they could just come back some other day.

The line moved horribly slowly for a 3 train B&M monster but we soon found ourselves on board.
Last Giga for me and quite comfortably the worst of the B&M ones. It has the speed and the power of course but nothing really in the way of standout moments. Silly trims, some low bits that don't do much. It's quite the visual spectacle on board as things of such scale always are, but I find myself wishing more was happening to my body in response.

S'alright.

Next up was Vortex and oh my, good lord, we were not ready for it. With the snooze fest that is Iron Dragon as my last point of reference for old Arrow Suspendeds, a leisurely lift hill up the mountainside and a scoff at a sign that said it hits speeds of 60Mph, it god damn did.

Absolutely wild and terrifying as it just builds and builds momentum, swinging ever higher and more viciously from side to side while also being perfectly refined and never rough, this thing is an absolute animal and one to be cherished. We hit the brakes at like 135° to flat and were lost for words, before being returned to the grim reality of the operations and proceeding to sit there for another 5 minutes.

Spoilers, but top 3 in the park.

Rides were having issues and we ended up covering far more ground than necessary in our pursuit, combining awkward assessments of what actually matters to us here, what's nearby, what has a manageable queue and what's actually open. Yukon Striker was not.

So we ended up on Behemoth, the other big priority, at this point in time reading a queue board sign confirming it was still 38°C, but it feels like 42°C. Thanks.

I really liked this ride, our experiences on it smashed both Lev and all other stadium seating hypers. While those range from embarassingly sluggish to Shambhala, this brought copious amounts of succulent B&M float and crunch.

The other key feature is that it has a layout that performs. You don't hit the midcourse and the ride is over, you blast through it and into a powerful helix that adds a great variety of forces to the overall package before bringing it back to that satisfying airtime finish.
Yay for Behemoth.

Time to get down and dirty with the clones. Backlot Stunt Coaster set complete, it was unpleasant and precisely none of the effects worked.

The Mighty Canadian Spinebuster was reported down for the evening, but Yukon reopened right in front of our faces. We powered in before it could regain a queue, past a sea of people arguing with ride staff about loose articles. Like outside the Mummy. Oh how I wish it was the Mummy.

The lack of attention meant that we started climbing some stairs and then got shouted at for going the wrong way. There was an unchained rope at the base of the stairs so I decided I should put it back for them.

Anyway it was walk on and, it happened. Much like Iron Menace I wasn't outright offended by Yukon Striker. It rode ok, had a bit of force here and there but is far too large and lumbering to be sprightly about it and far too cookie cutter to be exciting when you've done them all.

Looks nice?

From here, both Wonder Mountain's Guardian and the wild mouse were down, so headed to like the 5th most exciting coaster on park.

Which is Snoopy. Except I spited myself by not researching and was horrified to discover in person that it's just a clone of Fridolino without the charm.

Though the little scene in the shed was a nice touch.

Snoopy's got creds for days, so while here we also ticked off Ghoster Coaster, a small woodie that got stopped on the lift hill to shout about someone having their phone out apparently.

Not as good as the Kings D and/or Kings I one, I can't remember which. Maybe both, maybe Carowinds.

Also Taxi Jam, an easy top 10 in the park.

And Silver Streak. Remember when Vekoma couldn't make anything good, even family coasters? Yeah these still exist.

Thunder Run was a welcome respite from the sun, standard Mack powered affair in the mountain that manages to bring the good times in bad situations.

Then things got real dirty.

Best thing about Dragon Fyre is the statue out front. Soon as we hit the weird straight I knew it was just Canadian Big Loop, and then the regret kicked in.

We rode Lev one more time just to break up the bad. Bit more magical in the dying light, but not what I wanted it to be.

Best thing about Wildebeest is the statue out front. A combination of sticking to your sweaty seat and being bashed to the bone. It was pretty brutal, needs work, but as the mid-sized woodie here it doesn't need to exist. Stop building single rails and RMC this or something, I'm worried about you.

I believe the Bat earned the title of best Boomerang of the trip. But it's still a Boomerang.

Then the mouse was back, or rather, the Fly. No review required.

And finally finishing the run on Flight Deck. Absolute filth.

Our reward for landing everything that was available (15/17) in about 5 hours, in 40 degrees, was two closing laps on Behemoth, which were relatively glorious.
It also tied for my most creds in a day streak and I'm happy about that. As ever with these mega parks I'm not sure I want to beat 6 French parks and an Andorran mountain in such simple circumstances.

Up next - Canada's Wonderland